My love life, which resembles War and Peace in both length and complexity, provided impetus to make healthy choices today. After a rough night wrought with tossing and turning and endless monkey chatter in my brain, I really just wanted to smash something. Hard. Six solid hours of anger and self pity tends to do that to a person. I could have resorted to chocolate bars and a shopping spree, but I decided to tackle my slow long distance run for the week instead.
Turns out it was the best decision ever. I had 1:48 all to myself, with nothing but the brisk, fresh air and the pavement to console me. Around the 4th km I had the rather profound realization that there is actually nothing wrong with me. I had been treated cruelly by a lover. That's all. As this truth set in, and I became increasingly aware of how my body felt running, and how the air smelled, and how vibrant the river valley is at this time of the year, I experienced a sense of serenity so complete that in that moment, I believed myself to be as radiant as I felt.
And this is when I learned that sometimes a little bit of war is needed to fully appreciate the peace that follows. Around the 7th km I approached a 600m hill. A running instructor once told me that walking up a hill is equivalent to running on flat ground. I tend to use this as an excuse to avoid running hills. But today, I felt like a warrior. I found my focus and my will to succeed and I barrelled up that damn hill. A man was just starting his descent as I reached the peak. This man, this stranger, said "good job!" as he passed by me. I suspect I didn't look nearly as radiant as I felt at this point, with my audible wheeze and sweaty face. But with those simple two words, and the physical exhilaration I felt from pushing my body and succeeding, I no longer felt like I was running. I was floating. Totally high.
As I recovered from the effort, that natural high slowly melted back into a feeling of radiant peace that enveloped me as I finished my run. Afterwards, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to linger in those feelings as I stretched. The monkey chatter from the night before was gone. So was the anger and the self pity. I was left with an acceptance of myself that I only rarely allow myself to feel.
So I avoided the chocolate binge. Can't say the same for the shopping spree. A girl deserves a new pair of jeans every once in awhile.....right? :)
